You don’t have to write it or memorize it word for word, but sketching out your ideas and needs can help immobilize the butterflies in your stomach and may just give you a better idea of what you want. Try to take it seriously As a nervous joker, I tend to fall back on humor or what my friend calls “Chandler Bing syndrome” and make jokes about things that should be serious.It’s a coping mechanism for when my feelings get too big and I’m worried I’ll get hurt if I show too much of myself.A lot of times having a game plan and a strategy can make something that’s really scary a lot more ordinary.Sit down with a pen and paper, or with your BFF, and compose a rough outline of what you want to say.Maybe you want to be in an official post-pictures-of-each-other-on-instagram-relationship, or maybe you just want to know if your bae is baeing someone else while you’re turning down dates. Every relationship is different and evolves at a different pace.Just start with a goal and see it through, and make sure it’s what’s right for you and your heart. Maybe it takes three months for you to care about whether or not you’re exclusive, and maybe you’re smitten after two dates and can’t stand the thought of seeing someone else.It’s a wide spectrum of intimacy and time and comfort levels.
You can usually tell based on their reaction how seriously they’re taking it and can then decide how much more you want to open up. Be prepared for the ghost Sometimes people freak out and run away when they’re faced with the possibility of a real relationship with real responsibilities and feelings.But you can’t always listen to me or to your very well-meaning friends, sometimes you have to follow your heart and ride it out for a while before you feel compelled to label it for whatever it is. I know that it is so, so temping to get into a feelings talk over text.Just be safe and speak up the moment you feel uneasy, because your feelings matter. You have time to figure out exactly what you want to say, you can start crying or screaming without your partner ever knowing, and you can check your email while you wait for a response. Trust me on this one because I’ve made this mistake and it doesn’t end well.But fear aside, it’s important to know where you stand and what the future looks like, because if you’re going to invest valuable time in someone and open up your heart and your Netflix account, you deserve some clarity.So here are some tips for making the exclusive talk a little easier and a lot less scary (and sweaty). Go in having a general idea of what you’re hoping to get out of it.