I was afraid that if I jumped right back in, I'd just end up in another unhealthy relationship with someone else--which wouldn't be good for me or my kids."She took the plunge about five months after she and her husband separated.
I decided to enter the fray about four months after my ex-husband moved out. For one thing, I couldn't bear to face another kid-free weekend doing jigsaw puzzles or watching English period dramas.
After the pain of the divorce subsides (or you pack it away in that little space in your head that likes to reveal itself when you're watching a rom/com or some commercial that just gets to you), it might be time to date. It's an extra-fee-since-it-won't-fit-in-the-overhead-bin kind of thing.
There are actually several chapters, each with a different number of children.) Add your hangups about love, the fact that you are yawning by 9 p.m., the guilt of being out with someone other than your children, and that fear of actually being someone's MILF fantasy, and it's enough for you to swear off ever going out with anyone ever again. We all have some sort of baggage once we are of an age when we start getting ID'd for wine purchases, but the single mom baggage is a heavy load. I was so happy that I found someone to love and someone who would love me until I could no longer lift my arms to color my grey hairs. We had a couple of kids, bought a house; I was living the dream.
I figured that a guy who claims to really like me a lot (or love me) has to know all of me, including the two children I have. (That last one was only asked of myself in my own head.) I looked for cues in everything.
It's a glass of wine held by a stranger who wants to have some alone time with me. Thankfully, moms know how to multi-task so well, it can be done. If you are anything like me, then you are a relationship girl, meaning someone who takes love very seriously and is a hopeless romantic (despite the divorce) who believes in love, love and more love. I was worried my kids were going to be terrible to him. Or try to kiss me and then have one of the kids say something like "Mommy and Daddy used to do that, but they don't anymore." Some of these things can happen. And after the awkward first meeting, I grilled all the parties involved separately.
I felt as if I was pushed off a cliff without a rope. And that's how I made my decision on whether or not the relationship could continue.
There's no right or wrong, but you should date only because you want to, not because anyone else thinks you should or shouldn't. (If you're the solo caregiver, please put down this magazine and make yourself a roster of babysitters because you'll need a break.) I remember finding those first few weekends sans kids heady and horrible at the same time.Also, I found much of the common wisdom, which advises the single gal to ask friends to fix her up or to hunt for hunks in the aisles of The Home Depot, maddening and unrealistic.By all means, get the word out that you're interested in meeting someone and cross your fingers.) Or join an online dating site where you can cast your net as wide as you'd like. In my three-plus years of postmarital singledom, I've gone on one or two dates with non-dads, but my two longer-term relationships have been with fathers.Your married friends will eagerly help you write your profile and, in return, you will provide them much-needed vicarious thrills. Men who haven't been in the parenting trenches, even if they love kids, just seem to speak a different language, one that doesn't necessarily have a translation for phrases such as, "I can't leave my son with a babysitter tonight because he has the flu."On the other hand, dating a man with kids can be a scheduling nightmare, requiring both of you to synchronize with your exes and their new love interests, and the new love interests' exes, ad infinitum.