And if I really think about it, these are the relationships that have held more weight in my life than the ones I’d label “serious.” These are the relationships that have forced me to confront truths about myself more than the ones with guys I’d considered boyfriends.
They were like crash-course couplings, and given the sheer number of them, I think it’s safe to say that I’ve learned quite a few lessons.
So, sure, by a lot of people’s standards, I haven’t been in that many “serious” relationships.
But I’ve had a lot of experiences with partnership that informed the rest of my life in ways that more “serious” situations might not have. Amstel Light himself taught me something, even though we only went on two dates: He inadvertently showed me that, for me, my lack of long-term boyfriends has nothing to do with who I am as a partner. After being raised on a steady diet of Disney movies, I expected to meet someone and fall passionately in love — but wound up collapsing under the pressures of modern dating.
Alex* in college was a total narcissist who wound up blaming me for our breakup, even though he was withholding and cold.
He taught me that it’s important leave a relationship that’s tanking, especially if the partner in question is emotionally manipulative.
At the same time, if he doesn’t miss you then he’ll never come back, so it’s certainly important! Missing someone isn’t enough of a reason to get back together.
There are more not-serious relationships like these that have filled my time during this decade.
But guys like Rob and Will showed me that sometimes relationships that are purely sexual, totally fly-by-night couplings can be incredibly exciting and fun.
The fact that I’ve had such a large number of casual flings has allowed me to appreciate the different kinds of partnerships that exist out there — and that’s invaluable to me.
If you only tried to make him miss you, you might get him back, but it wouldn’t last.
(Make sure to also read this article for the exact signs your ex misses you.) Fortunately, it is possible to get your ex back and make it work the second time around.