The fourth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM IV-TR) defines Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) as “A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts… by the following”: Another characteristic typical of narcissists is a disregard of personal boundaries.Narcissists don’t always acknowledge the need for boundaries which is coupled with their failure to realize that others do not exist merely to meet their needs.Just like girls need to be adored by their fathers to feel validated, boys also need their dad to believe in them. This way you get Dad’s attention (after all imitation is the highest form of flattery); and you learn from your old man how to manipulate and use people. Every narcissist is a hero and a legend in his own mind. Appreciate the Healthy Adults Out There: While it's hard to grow up unaffected by a narcissistic father, there may have been others who helped you along the way. There may have been some good in your narcissistic father.Looking back on your life, you may identify a grandfather, a grandmother, a coach, a teacher, a therapist or a religious figure who really appreciated you. Embrace that, while distancing yourself from the rest. ________________________________________________________________________________ "If we become able, deep in our unconscious minds, to clear our feelings to some extent towards our parents of grievances and have forgiven them for the frustration we had to bear, then we can be at peace with ourselves and are able to love others in the true sense of the word." Melanie Klein :-) It is easy to say to forgive, but you likely aren't still living with them so the hells of living with a parent with narcissistic personality disorder aren't still as fresh for you.“Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important.They don’t mean to do harm, but the harm (that they cause) does not interest them. Eliot You used to think that by the time you were in your twenties and definitely by your thirties you’d have your act together – you’d be establishing a successful career, have your own place, be in a committed and stable relationship, visit the gym enough to have the body you always wanted and your social life would be vibrant.A narcissist will often treat others, especially those that are close to him, as if they are there to fulfill his needs and expectations.Now that you have a firm grasp on what a narcissistic father may be like, let’s take a look at how he might affect his kids.
This is why narcissitic traits are not synonomous with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder.(We will get to narcissistic mothers another time.) How a Narcissistic Father Can Hurt his Son or Daughter: Narcissistic parents often damage their children.For example, they may disregard boundaries, manipulate their children by withholding affection (until they perform), and neglect to meet their children’s needs because their needs come first.Anxiously avoiding commitment or taking on the narcissitic role are both natural ways to keep relationships safe; it's understanble and self protective.(But, you lose.) A daughter needs her dad’s adoration; it validates her and helps her internalize her specialness. Or, you may have worked hard to beat Dad at his own game just to get his attention and some semblance of fatherly pride.You somehow never feel good enough even when you do succeed, you still feel empty and second rate.